Depression ~ 0004. My Woman's Month~ In search of Kate Spade.
When a woman makes it to CNN, and one has never heard of her, one must, "Go find!" As the lad says.
One Story.
The main road begins on top of a hill with a set of traffic lights. It slides down, ending in a serpent's tail-curl called, The Point.
The speed limit is 40 Km/hr up the narrow road through town until midway up the hill leading to the serpent's head, the traffic lights, to finish the metaphor.
To my left, a grey car ascends the hill. To my right, a big old truck edges towards the red traffic lights and hopes it will turn green. It doesn't.
The truck stops. I judge the distance and speed of the grey car. The light changes. The truck releases the brakes. I drove into the truck's lane. The just moving truck changes gears. He expects I shall move. We are on the same page, the truck and I. I turn to check the grey car.
The driver inexplicably speeds up. The truck is coming closer too fast, but I can't risk jumping in front of the elderly man in the grey car. I wait; now he's driving too slowly.
The sound of screeching metal and rubber on tar synchronizes with three men yelling, just yelling.
I don't think about dying. This is a slow-motion moment.
The grill is inches from my door. The mad-fright, wide, whites of eyes and their open mouths, now panting, not screaming.
The breaks held.
The grey car slips innocently away down the off-ramp.
Another Story
I listen to CNN while I do pencil drawings. I don't like watching the news anymore, but this is what's on, and I sometimes hear it.
I heard an unfamiliar name mentioned frequently. He died in an apparent suicide.
"Apparent is an odd word to use," I said.
"Who used it?" Granny asked.
"Them," I said pointing to the television.
I carried on drawing.
"It has two meanings. Why stick it in there? Apparent? Was it, or wasn't it? What was apparently not apparent?"
"Why are they not sure?" Granny asked.
"I don't know."
Anthony Bourdain's, apparent suicide at the age of 61 elicited feelings warm as hot chocolate. There is an absence of grief, but an abundance of affection, as if no other circumstance permitted the quite personal and sincere response.
He was good and kind. He was funny. He was a wonderful soul. He was admired and loved. He had the job of all jobs. He was famous, wealthy and just plain comforting. Whatever manner of means he used to apparently take his own life was not mentioned, out of respect, I assumed.
He left behind a daughter, aged 11 whom he loved fathering, and, two wives.
I put my pencil down, which is almost, but not quite the same as lighting a cigarette.
The grey-haired man looked older than his years, though his face would sit well in a picture done in red wine, hanging on the wall at the Tokara Restaraunt, Stellenbosch. His voice, solid as the fine Director's Reserve, 2013, Tokara Red.
It turns out, "He wasn't just a chef. A world-renowned... " my daughter informs me.
He accused himself of vanity, he said a story ... was just crying, he admitted being anal retentive, confessed that he had an obsessive-compulsive disorder, painfully punctual, judgemental, organized. He loved drinking, telling stories, had books he read and re-read. Deceased octopus used to give tourists a diving experience disgusted him.
"I am filled with self-loathing," I heard him say.
He abused drugs in his youth, (CNN quoted him saying he should have died in his twenties), and alcohol. CNN played film clips. Barak Obama (I looked up) seemed more in awe of him than Bourdain might have felt in the presence of the Gentleman President eating with chopsticks as if he was born with them in his hand.
"Slurping is allowed,,,," he advised the then President.
There were a few clips of him speaking, looking comfortably grey in Anderson Cooper's Tribute.
"I'm looking for extremes of emotion... I'll try anything... I'll risk everything. I have nothing to lose." He said, referring to his working life experience, with food.
He is aware. Influenced by the Buddhist he pursued at some point, he honors the animal he eats/cooks. Abhors waste. He made Anderson Cooper eat unmentionables.
Heroin. "It's the worst possible drug ..." he said.
He left the travel channel because they misused his voice. He had four tattoos.
He said, about publishing others, "....the ability to kick people in the head is just as compelling to us as long as that's coupled with an ability to vividly describe the experience..."
In the background, I hear CNN mention how the suicide rate had gone up by 25% in the last 20 years, and that suicides by gunshots were numerous. I forget the numbers.
I then assumed, because of this insert, that Mr. Bourdain had shot himself.
Quote, I found somewhere:
"That without experimentation, a willingness to ask questions and try new things, we shall surely become static, repetitive and moribund."
An Altogether Other Story ~ the Jack of Spades
Bob Dylan's face is full of tricks, bits hiding in shadows, with curves and lines; hurt is buried in those cavities and his wild, though trimmed, wiry hair reaches up as if to escape the inner turmoil, because "... the times they are [still] a changing," with morality now very much inverted
Kate Spade died in an apparent suicide, CNN mentioned briefly in a sad little insert, midst offerings of helplines for "all over the world". "Don't die." "Get help." and lengthy stories about Anthony Bourdain. It was such a small bite that I did not catch her name until the headlines had been repeated a number of times. I assumed she was a newly famous actress.
Bob Dylan and my job take me away.
Again, CNN repeated the apparent suicide of Kate Spade in the headlines. The female voice reading these headlines tried to put some feeling into the sadness of it all, but without success. To be fair, her voice had the same tone that it had when she spoke of other great, though remote, losses.
It dawns on me at last. No one knows Kate Spade! No one knows Kate Spade?
"Who is Kate Spade?" I asked, carrying on drawing Bob Dylan's tricky face.
"Who is who?" Granny asks.
Granny and I had a rough week with doctors and medications, aches and pains. We were in and out, making meals and taking medicines with protests and explanations with urging. Trying, as it were, not to die, at the age of 96 years and counting, and yet the news of these two deaths kept coming at me either in the background or in the foreground.
Kate Spade again and again, though still briefly.
She left behind a husband and a 13-year-old daughter...
I had to look. Dylan's crazy eyebrows would have to wait.
Random Google searched. Various sources.
"She made handbags."
"Sad loss."
"... a talented woman."
"She suffered from depression and anxiety for many years."
Kate was found by the housekeeper at 10.26 a.m. on Tuesday.
The NYPD told reporters it was an apparent suicide; there was, of course, the state of the room; mentioning the state of the room, without mentioning what the state was - untouched or messy, and ... there was a witness; and a note.
No one mentioned the state of Anthony Bourdain's room, in Le Chambard Hotel.
He was just lovely, lovely and it is just sad, sad that he is gone. A random image search revealed mostly Mr. Bourdain's face. There are a few pictures of him with a young woman.
Kate Spade's image search delivered handbags mostly. Who was this woman who made the headlines every few minutes, even if it was brief?
The husband made a statement full of we's and ours and us, but when he came to the note, it was "my daughter's unimaginable grief." She was no longer "our" daughter. And, he denied the existence of a note, although in the same breath, he berated the media for releasing a private message, intended for his daughter, so heartlessly.
Okay... Who, on earth, was Kate Spade?
According to the husband:-
Depression started either as recently as 6 months ago, 3 to 4 years ago, or has lasted as long as ten years and according to David Spade, suffered for, indefinably, many years with anxiety and depression, depending on the source.
Yet, her face glows.
So, here's the thing. She starts with ideas and officially Kate Spade, the brand, is founded in 1993. She marries her husband in 1994. They battle to make money and eventually break even and then the brand goes enormously big. Although "...few in Hollywood connected to her passing," Julia Roberts and Gwyneth Paltrow had supported her in her beginnings.
Later in 1999, she (they) sell 56% stake to ... for millions and millions. Then, in 2006, she (they) sell the rest of the stake, 44% for more millions and millions.
Insert a picture.
Caption: How that feels.
Motherhood interrupted her career. But they had millions and millions and there is nothing to show that this was not a chosen and desired path. She disconnected from the brand, Kate Spade.
I'm seeing this lovely, creative, talented, kind, funny human who had this nerdy bespectacled husband in the early days and she herself looks nerdy in her early spectacles. Then they break even eventually, get rid of the specs and all we have is a bag full of questions, the missing last ad that was made asking, Where is Kate? and ... a note, allegedly.
What did the note allegedly say?
"Bea, I love you very much. This is not your fault. Ask Daddy!"
This, after starting a new brand, changing her name to be clear on that issue, this Capricorn woman falls through a hole in the floor with no friend in sight, an estranged sister, a very absent brother, a father who knows nothing about depression, and is separated from her best-friend-husband and a beloved child of 13?
Kate Spade is found dead by the housekeeper. It is an apparent suicide.
Anthony Bourdain is found dead by his friend. It is an apparent suicide.
Kate Spade used a red scarf.
Anthony Bourdain used the belt of his bathrobe.
Anthony Bourdain had a good friend who did not observe the state of his room; and if a note was left, he tucked that neatly away. He left a daughter, two wives, a girlfriend and the world who knew who he was and loved him, alotalot, in spite of having to eat an aorta or the bowls of an animal.
That is all I can tell you about Kate Spade, the marvelous creator of a couple of brands, worth millions and millions and then billions.
Even in suicide this man, Anthony Bourdain is somehow brilliant and shining up in the heavens, while being a general pain in the butt, by his own admission, and this dear, very dear, little person who did such big things has faded into the linings of her bags where things get lost, as all girls know, all but her name.
The condition, known as "her sadness" comes with the territory.
They died of death, as my sister would say.
In one of my low periods, I felt down enough to make a spreadsheet of D-words I felt ~ I forget how I got to do that. I think it was something that sprung up at me while studying Hebrew letters. Dalet. D. It is quite something when one sits down to list feelings and discovers enough for a spreadsheet, look for their antonyms, and aspire to feel that instead.
I would guess that Anthony Bourdain lost something he couldn't replace or the D-words got him and/or he stopped finding things to be curious about and became moribund.
Dearest, little Kate, (she was a small body) messed with her medication, listened to Daddy and then caved.
That will bring one to the edge of madness in no time at all. Add that to the loss of family life, and, (let's call a spade a shovel), being robbed; let's face it, seeing what she created sold for 2.4$ Billion must have been a blow of note. I am absolutely positive it's not about the money, but ... that had to have some impact. It wasn't even my creation, and I thought, woman, you got taken there!
I found it all a little sad that the woman Kate Spade had so little coverage compared to the great chef. She could not have planned this because she left four seasons of designs for the new label.
So, no, I don't agree with the estranged sister; she didn't plan this night. It happened. On and off medication.
Don't do that. Ever. Ever. It is very dangerous.
If you need medication, take the stuff. Stay alive. Don't die.
Depression isn't contagious. Don't feel weird about it.
David Spade gave her the limelight she deserved. And he donated a hundred thousand dollars to ...
If I ever get a chance to taste, Tokara Red, Telos, I shall raise my glass to Kate Spade, the dear one.
Telos "is the root of the term "teleology" .... which figures centrally in Aristotle's biology and his theory of causes" (See Wikipedia.)
And someone should paint Mr. Bourdain's portrait in red wine to hang at Tokara.
Credits :
Business Insider
Swirlster.nd.tv.com
Gold Coast Bulletin.co.au.
CNBC
Wikipedia
CNN
YouTube
Forbes Contributor
And others online
One Story.
The main road begins on top of a hill with a set of traffic lights. It slides down, ending in a serpent's tail-curl called, The Point.
The speed limit is 40 Km/hr up the narrow road through town until midway up the hill leading to the serpent's head, the traffic lights, to finish the metaphor.
To my left, a grey car ascends the hill. To my right, a big old truck edges towards the red traffic lights and hopes it will turn green. It doesn't.
The truck stops. I judge the distance and speed of the grey car. The light changes. The truck releases the brakes. I drove into the truck's lane. The just moving truck changes gears. He expects I shall move. We are on the same page, the truck and I. I turn to check the grey car.
The driver inexplicably speeds up. The truck is coming closer too fast, but I can't risk jumping in front of the elderly man in the grey car. I wait; now he's driving too slowly.
The sound of screeching metal and rubber on tar synchronizes with three men yelling, just yelling.
I don't think about dying. This is a slow-motion moment.
The grill is inches from my door. The mad-fright, wide, whites of eyes and their open mouths, now panting, not screaming.
The breaks held.
The grey car slips innocently away down the off-ramp.
Another Story
I listen to CNN while I do pencil drawings. I don't like watching the news anymore, but this is what's on, and I sometimes hear it.
I heard an unfamiliar name mentioned frequently. He died in an apparent suicide.
"Apparent is an odd word to use," I said.
"Who used it?" Granny asked.
"Them," I said pointing to the television.
I carried on drawing.
"It has two meanings. Why stick it in there? Apparent? Was it, or wasn't it? What was apparently not apparent?"
"Why are they not sure?" Granny asked.
"I don't know."
Anthony Bourdain's, apparent suicide at the age of 61 elicited feelings warm as hot chocolate. There is an absence of grief, but an abundance of affection, as if no other circumstance permitted the quite personal and sincere response.
He was good and kind. He was funny. He was a wonderful soul. He was admired and loved. He had the job of all jobs. He was famous, wealthy and just plain comforting. Whatever manner of means he used to apparently take his own life was not mentioned, out of respect, I assumed.
He left behind a daughter, aged 11 whom he loved fathering, and, two wives.
I put my pencil down, which is almost, but not quite the same as lighting a cigarette.
The grey-haired man looked older than his years, though his face would sit well in a picture done in red wine, hanging on the wall at the Tokara Restaraunt, Stellenbosch. His voice, solid as the fine Director's Reserve, 2013, Tokara Red.
It turns out, "He wasn't just a chef. A world-renowned... " my daughter informs me.
He accused himself of vanity, he said a story ... was just crying, he admitted being anal retentive, confessed that he had an obsessive-compulsive disorder, painfully punctual, judgemental, organized. He loved drinking, telling stories, had books he read and re-read. Deceased octopus used to give tourists a diving experience disgusted him.
"I am filled with self-loathing," I heard him say.
He abused drugs in his youth, (CNN quoted him saying he should have died in his twenties), and alcohol. CNN played film clips. Barak Obama (I looked up) seemed more in awe of him than Bourdain might have felt in the presence of the Gentleman President eating with chopsticks as if he was born with them in his hand.
"Slurping is allowed,,,," he advised the then President.
There were a few clips of him speaking, looking comfortably grey in Anderson Cooper's Tribute.
"I'm looking for extremes of emotion... I'll try anything... I'll risk everything. I have nothing to lose." He said, referring to his working life experience, with food.
He is aware. Influenced by the Buddhist he pursued at some point, he honors the animal he eats/cooks. Abhors waste. He made Anderson Cooper eat unmentionables.
Heroin. "It's the worst possible drug ..." he said.
He left the travel channel because they misused his voice. He had four tattoos.
He said, about publishing others, "....the ability to kick people in the head is just as compelling to us as long as that's coupled with an ability to vividly describe the experience..."
In the background, I hear CNN mention how the suicide rate had gone up by 25% in the last 20 years, and that suicides by gunshots were numerous. I forget the numbers.
I then assumed, because of this insert, that Mr. Bourdain had shot himself.
Quote, I found somewhere:
"That without experimentation, a willingness to ask questions and try new things, we shall surely become static, repetitive and moribund."
An Altogether Other Story ~ the Jack of Spades
Bob Dylan's face is full of tricks, bits hiding in shadows, with curves and lines; hurt is buried in those cavities and his wild, though trimmed, wiry hair reaches up as if to escape the inner turmoil, because "... the times they are [still] a changing," with morality now very much inverted
Kate Spade died in an apparent suicide, CNN mentioned briefly in a sad little insert, midst offerings of helplines for "all over the world". "Don't die." "Get help." and lengthy stories about Anthony Bourdain. It was such a small bite that I did not catch her name until the headlines had been repeated a number of times. I assumed she was a newly famous actress.
Bob Dylan and my job take me away.
Again, CNN repeated the apparent suicide of Kate Spade in the headlines. The female voice reading these headlines tried to put some feeling into the sadness of it all, but without success. To be fair, her voice had the same tone that it had when she spoke of other great, though remote, losses.
It dawns on me at last. No one knows Kate Spade! No one knows Kate Spade?
"Who is Kate Spade?" I asked, carrying on drawing Bob Dylan's tricky face.
"Who is who?" Granny asks.
Granny and I had a rough week with doctors and medications, aches and pains. We were in and out, making meals and taking medicines with protests and explanations with urging. Trying, as it were, not to die, at the age of 96 years and counting, and yet the news of these two deaths kept coming at me either in the background or in the foreground.
Kate Spade again and again, though still briefly.
She left behind a husband and a 13-year-old daughter...
I had to look. Dylan's crazy eyebrows would have to wait.
Random Google searched. Various sources.
"She made handbags."
"Sad loss."
"... a talented woman."
"She suffered from depression and anxiety for many years."
Kate was found by the housekeeper at 10.26 a.m. on Tuesday.
The NYPD told reporters it was an apparent suicide; there was, of course, the state of the room; mentioning the state of the room, without mentioning what the state was - untouched or messy, and ... there was a witness; and a note.
No one mentioned the state of Anthony Bourdain's room, in Le Chambard Hotel.
He was just lovely, lovely and it is just sad, sad that he is gone. A random image search revealed mostly Mr. Bourdain's face. There are a few pictures of him with a young woman.
Kate Spade's image search delivered handbags mostly. Who was this woman who made the headlines every few minutes, even if it was brief?
The husband made a statement full of we's and ours and us, but when he came to the note, it was "my daughter's unimaginable grief." She was no longer "our" daughter. And, he denied the existence of a note, although in the same breath, he berated the media for releasing a private message, intended for his daughter, so heartlessly.
Okay... Who, on earth, was Kate Spade?
According to the husband:-
The most beautiful woman in the world.
Best friend of 35 years.
We loved each other very much.
On a ten month break, not legally separated or discussing divorce
Living quite close to each other.
In contact the night before
Living quite close to each other.
In contact the night before
Actively seeking help with her doctors
Our daughter was our priority.
"We are deeply heartbroken and miss her already."
(Hey?)
(Hey?)
According to Reta Saffo, Older sister and estranged for an undisclosed number of years:-
Full-blown manic depressive
Beyond help
Self-medicating with alcohol
A dear little person. So dear, so kind, so funny...
She shall miss the 6 to 7 hour long conversations on the telephone.
(Did I mention, estranged?)
She shall miss the 6 to 7 hour long conversations on the telephone.
(Did I mention, estranged?)
According to cleaner:-
Found her dead, hanging from the bedroom doorknob
She reported the state of the room to the NYPD
According to the NYPD:-
Suicide
by hanging,
apparent
from the state of the room
There was a note
Marital problems were mentioned.
According to various others (including a niece and a brother):-
She worked with friends and family. "Challenging."
Kind, giving, generous, would help anyone avoid anything.
Beautifully sensitive
Insanely talented
She was effervescent
Beautifully sensitive
Insanely talented
She was effervescent
Her father told her not to take her medication.
Kate wanted to be remembered not only as a good businesswoman,
but as a friend, and a heck of a lot of fun.
Long estranged from her sister
Funny as heck
Quintessential American Woman
2002 Glamour Woman of the year.
They called her condition, "her sadness."
Quintessential American Woman
2002 Glamour Woman of the year.
They called her condition, "her sadness."
According to David Spade, Brother-in-law/comedian/actor:-
"She made me laugh so hard," he said.
Has donated $100 000 to ...
Has donated $100 000 to ...
Depression started either as recently as 6 months ago, 3 to 4 years ago, or has lasted as long as ten years and according to David Spade, suffered for, indefinably, many years with anxiety and depression, depending on the source.
Yet, her face glows.
So, here's the thing. She starts with ideas and officially Kate Spade, the brand, is founded in 1993. She marries her husband in 1994. They battle to make money and eventually break even and then the brand goes enormously big. Although "...few in Hollywood connected to her passing," Julia Roberts and Gwyneth Paltrow had supported her in her beginnings.
Later in 1999, she (they) sell 56% stake to ... for millions and millions. Then, in 2006, she (they) sell the rest of the stake, 44% for more millions and millions.
The whole deal gets sold either one week later or in 2017 (depending on source) for $2.4 Billion to ... Tapestry Inc.
Insert a picture.
Caption: How that feels.
Motherhood interrupted her career. But they had millions and millions and there is nothing to show that this was not a chosen and desired path. She disconnected from the brand, Kate Spade.
I'm seeing this lovely, creative, talented, kind, funny human who had this nerdy bespectacled husband in the early days and she herself looks nerdy in her early spectacles. Then they break even eventually, get rid of the specs and all we have is a bag full of questions, the missing last ad that was made asking, Where is Kate? and ... a note, allegedly.
What did the note allegedly say?
"Bea, I love you very much. This is not your fault. Ask Daddy!"
This, after starting a new brand, changing her name to be clear on that issue, this Capricorn woman falls through a hole in the floor with no friend in sight, an estranged sister, a very absent brother, a father who knows nothing about depression, and is separated from her best-friend-husband and a beloved child of 13?
Kate Spade is found dead by the housekeeper. It is an apparent suicide.
Anthony Bourdain is found dead by his friend. It is an apparent suicide.
I had never heard of either of them. I don't cook and I am not fashionable. Still, neither makes any sense. Hence the story of the little grey car that nearly killed me and then sailed away down the ramp.
Kate Spade used a red scarf.
Anthony Bourdain used the belt of his bathrobe.
Anthony Bourdain had a good friend who did not observe the state of his room; and if a note was left, he tucked that neatly away. He left a daughter, two wives, a girlfriend and the world who knew who he was and loved him, alotalot, in spite of having to eat an aorta or the bowls of an animal.
That is all I can tell you about Kate Spade, the marvelous creator of a couple of brands, worth millions and millions and then billions.
Even in suicide this man, Anthony Bourdain is somehow brilliant and shining up in the heavens, while being a general pain in the butt, by his own admission, and this dear, very dear, little person who did such big things has faded into the linings of her bags where things get lost, as all girls know, all but her name.
The condition, known as "her sadness" comes with the territory.
They died of death, as my sister would say.
In one of my low periods, I felt down enough to make a spreadsheet of D-words I felt ~ I forget how I got to do that. I think it was something that sprung up at me while studying Hebrew letters. Dalet. D. It is quite something when one sits down to list feelings and discovers enough for a spreadsheet, look for their antonyms, and aspire to feel that instead.
I would guess that Anthony Bourdain lost something he couldn't replace or the D-words got him and/or he stopped finding things to be curious about and became moribund.
Dearest, little Kate, (she was a small body) messed with her medication, listened to Daddy and then caved.
That will bring one to the edge of madness in no time at all. Add that to the loss of family life, and, (let's call a spade a shovel), being robbed; let's face it, seeing what she created sold for 2.4$ Billion must have been a blow of note. I am absolutely positive it's not about the money, but ... that had to have some impact. It wasn't even my creation, and I thought, woman, you got taken there!
I found it all a little sad that the woman Kate Spade had so little coverage compared to the great chef. She could not have planned this because she left four seasons of designs for the new label.
So, no, I don't agree with the estranged sister; she didn't plan this night. It happened. On and off medication.
Don't do that. Ever. Ever. It is very dangerous.
If you need medication, take the stuff. Stay alive. Don't die.
Depression isn't contagious. Don't feel weird about it.
David Spade gave her the limelight she deserved. And he donated a hundred thousand dollars to ...
If I ever get a chance to taste, Tokara Red, Telos, I shall raise my glass to Kate Spade, the dear one.
Telos "is the root of the term "teleology" .... which figures centrally in Aristotle's biology and his theory of causes" (See Wikipedia.)
And someone should paint Mr. Bourdain's portrait in red wine to hang at Tokara.
"Oh, my Jesus,
save us from the fires of Hell
and lead all souls to Heaven,
especially those in most need
of Thy mercy."
Credits :
Business Insider
Swirlster.nd.tv.com
Gold Coast Bulletin.co.au.
CNBC
Wikipedia
CNN
YouTube
Forbes Contributor
And others online
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