Depression 0005 ~ Monday or Pretoria
This is looking after me phase.
Unchartered territory.
Survival strategies.
Actions taken:-
The specialist gave new medication - long term.
Therapy ~ more meaningful than before. Perhaps because I am ready or desperate or I have found a good therapist or a combination of the three.)
Actions to produce joy.
1. Knitting (I know! It sounds boring, but it is surprisingly comforting making things.)
2. Crocheting (Also not boring. Making up my own patterns. Progress good.)
3. Painting and drawing. (Spending more time drawing with some success. Practice does help.)
Exploring sculpting - early stages - starting with a seahorse I bought and am now going to finish off and make more durable and beautiful.
4. Writing. (Mostly notes from my studies of The Zohar and reading other books)
5. Watching CNN. (Contradiction on the surface. However, it helps to know the state of collective consciousness.)
6. Planning holidays/trips.
6.1. Train journey to Durban to see three friends. Then on to Johannesburg to see three more friends and find my auntie if she is still alive.
6.2. From there I plan to go to England, Ireland and Amsterdam. Will take as long as it takes and as long as I can make my funds last.
I am considering applying for immigration to Ireland.
7. Exploring the field of crafts. Paper Mache and things I can make to sell. Income generating items.
8. The dream is art school next year. All things being equal, this is not impossible.
9. Things to acquire. I have so far managed to acquire the easel at a bargain price and the small hairdryer as a gift. Now I am on a mission to buy another two bookcases which will "complete me".
I am indeed still in high adrenaline mode and anxiety exhausts me.
Caring as a profession is good for my soul. I am enjoying the company of a naturally feisty crone who can turn on a tickie, as we used to say, from being benevolent one day to quite contrary the next. Either way, it's a symbiotic relationship that is good.
My grandchildren give me enormous pleasure, but my energy levels are so low that I am unable for the time I used to spend caring for them. My heart is full when I am with them. The upside of being a grandmother. Joy filled moments.
One of these days I shall be able to say, "This is Tuesday. It must be Amsterdam, or Durban, whichever comes first.
I have never had long-term goals for myself. There has always been some reason not to pursue my creativity and the mad, contrary to my nature, desire to travel long distances on trains.
Budapest sounds good enough to stretch myself to see. Croatia, too. However, if anything exotic is on the list it is likely China or India.
I am writing this not be of any use to anyone who may read it. It is for myself. I shall check how I progress with these little goals.
Love and Light
Unchartered territory.
Survival strategies.
Actions taken:-
The specialist gave new medication - long term.
Therapy ~ more meaningful than before. Perhaps because I am ready or desperate or I have found a good therapist or a combination of the three.)
Actions to produce joy.
1. Knitting (I know! It sounds boring, but it is surprisingly comforting making things.)
2. Crocheting (Also not boring. Making up my own patterns. Progress good.)
3. Painting and drawing. (Spending more time drawing with some success. Practice does help.)
Exploring sculpting - early stages - starting with a seahorse I bought and am now going to finish off and make more durable and beautiful.
4. Writing. (Mostly notes from my studies of The Zohar and reading other books)
5. Watching CNN. (Contradiction on the surface. However, it helps to know the state of collective consciousness.)
6. Planning holidays/trips.
6.1. Train journey to Durban to see three friends. Then on to Johannesburg to see three more friends and find my auntie if she is still alive.
6.2. From there I plan to go to England, Ireland and Amsterdam. Will take as long as it takes and as long as I can make my funds last.
I am considering applying for immigration to Ireland.
7. Exploring the field of crafts. Paper Mache and things I can make to sell. Income generating items.
8. The dream is art school next year. All things being equal, this is not impossible.
9. Things to acquire. I have so far managed to acquire the easel at a bargain price and the small hairdryer as a gift. Now I am on a mission to buy another two bookcases which will "complete me".
I am indeed still in high adrenaline mode and anxiety exhausts me.
Caring as a profession is good for my soul. I am enjoying the company of a naturally feisty crone who can turn on a tickie, as we used to say, from being benevolent one day to quite contrary the next. Either way, it's a symbiotic relationship that is good.
My grandchildren give me enormous pleasure, but my energy levels are so low that I am unable for the time I used to spend caring for them. My heart is full when I am with them. The upside of being a grandmother. Joy filled moments.
One of these days I shall be able to say, "This is Tuesday. It must be Amsterdam, or Durban, whichever comes first.
I have never had long-term goals for myself. There has always been some reason not to pursue my creativity and the mad, contrary to my nature, desire to travel long distances on trains.
Budapest sounds good enough to stretch myself to see. Croatia, too. However, if anything exotic is on the list it is likely China or India.
I am writing this not be of any use to anyone who may read it. It is for myself. I shall check how I progress with these little goals.
Love and Light
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